Go ahead, make my day
by Curly-Browed Marimo
Summary: A collection of ZoSan minific requests, ranging from fluff to crack, to even smut sometime down the line (rated T for now, will change the rating once I fill out an M request)
1. Christmas present

Each chapter will be a separate request I've taken on my ZoSan blog on Tumblr. If you'd like to make a request, please do so there. User name "Curly-Marimo" - but be aware that I may take forever to fill it out, or pass it over altogether if I don't feel inspired to write that particular prompt. Most of these are fairly short, they're just exercises in writing for these two idiots. Enjoy!

[Request: Zoro quest on buying Christmas present.]

* * *

Your name is Zoro, and gift giving is stupid as hell.

At least, it is when you have to do it. Who came up with this dumbass tradition anyway? You certainly aren't expecting or even wanting gifts (outside of booze, maybe), so why should you have to participate?

Actually, you'd rather be out here shopping on your own right now anyway, since you're keen on avoiding more of the teasing that had come when Chopper_ had_ to ask if you were getting the cook something. The little guy means well, and you know that, but sometimes you wanna strangle him for those clueless comments. Mostly because you can't stand Usopp's snarky prodding and Robin's amused snickering.

But…once you'd thought about it, the guy's probably getting _you _something, and you'd feel like an ass if you didn't have something for him too.

So here you are. Browsing shops and stands looking for bargains like some sort of old lady because you're running low on allowance again. Damn, you need to hit treasure again soon.

Avoiding pushy salespeople as much as possible, you scan tables and displays for something interesting, but nothing really stands out. What does that guy even like anyway? He probably needs new kitchen stuff but he's picky about quality and you don't know anything about cooking. You steer away from the pots and pans and run into a mannikin wearing an apron, on which is printed the phrase "KISS THE COOK". Automatically you look for the price, yes, this is something he'd wear—but then you stop and have to stifle laughter when you imagine him actually wearing it, because not only is it tacky as hell, but he'd probably demand in private that you do as the apron says.

And as tempting as that idea is, you'll probably get hounded with the phrase forever when Usopp and Brook find out it was you who bought it. So, you turn away from this as well.

But this gives you a good idea, it reminds you of all the cook's ugly shirts and getting him one more is probably fine. You move to a table display of shirts and poke through them until you find one suitable: a blue and turquoise fish-patterned button up nightmare. You're pretty sure he doesn't have this one already, so you make your purchase and head back to the ship.

And you definitely don't get lost twice on the way, dammit.

—

On Christmas morning, you join everyone for a big breakfast party—it's fun, because you get to drink as much as you want even though you'd just woken up and the cook doesn't get pissy about it. If that's not a party on its own, you don't know what is.

You try to sneak off a couple different times during the day to retrieve the gift you've stashed away, but every time you're stopped and dragged back, either to help with the dishes or to participate in some game or contest. And you can never argue with it, you don't want to look dumb trying to escape for something like that. After all, it doesn't seem like anyone else got gifts for each other…and why should they? You don't care, but…now what do you do with the one you bought?

As thoughts of slicing up and burning the hideous shirt begin playing in your mind, suddenly you find an arm slung over your shoulder and a blonde idiot grinning in your face.

"Oi, whaddya think?" Yeah, he's been drinking. "Think there's another barrel or two we missed? You should come with me to look."

The possibility of finding more booze puts you in a great mood and you agree easily, setting down your mug to follow him to the storerooms. However, once you're both far enough away from the party, the cook's fingers dance across your back and that's when you realize his motive for dragging you away. _Sneaky bastard_, you grin. There's a perk or two to having an always-horny pervert as a partner, you decide.

As soon as a door's barred behind you, he puts out his cigarette and rolls up his sleeves before going to his knees in front of you, commanding your hips with his hands.

"Merry Christmas, shithead."

—

Later that night, you finally get the chance to get rid of the gift. Cook's sprawled out on the top deck, enjoying the clear night sky. You interrupt him by wordlessly dropping the bag on his stomach, then sitting down cross-legged at his side.

"What's this?" He asks wide-eyed, sitting up.

"It's nothing." You answer nonchalantly, arms folded. "Just something from the last port we stopped at."

"…You got me a gift?"

You shrug. "It's Christmas."

He gives you a shocked look. "That's surprising! Who knew a simple marimo was capable of thinking that far ahead—"

"Just open the damn thing!" You growl.

He bows his head, almost mockingly. "Thank you very much. Though…" Now he looks up, a little sheepish and scratching at his face with a finger. "…I don't have anything for you. Since you're not the type, I thought it'd be weird…"

Damn that longnose. Damn him to hell for this. "It's fine. I only got you something because I didn't want it to be awkward if you got something for me." And it turned out awkward anyway. Oh well. "But it doesn't matter, like I said it's just something dumb I picked up."

Finally he peeks inside, and a grin stretches across his face as he pulls the shirt out to inspect it. Turning it over, he makes a pleased sound of approval. "How useful! And here I was thinking it'd be something weird like a carved tourist souvenir or decorative mug—"

"Oi!"

He gives you a thumbs up, ignoring your indignant protest. "Great gift, thanks. Now, what to give you in return…"

Now it's your turn to tease. "I'll just consider what you did earlier my gift, alright?"

His face goes red, and you are pleased. He's bold enough in bed, but any mention of it in the open and he's instantly flustered. It's kinda funny, as long as you're not also at the butt of the joke. "F…Fine! But don't just say that out loud, idiot!"

You smirk. "Yeah, yeah." You lay back and close your eyes, head resting on your hands. The man spits a few more insults before he quiets down too, playing with the shirt in his hands.

Sleepily, you yawn, and with it you tell him,

"Merry Christmas, cook."


	2. Christmas tree

[Request: Ummm would you mind writing about Sanji and Zoro decorating their first Christmas tree as a couple? :D]

Only if you don't mind me writing it dialogue only, it seems like it'd be funny. HERE WE GO

* * *

"Alright. Let's get this thing started."

"…There's too much."

"This is how much a Christmas tree's gotta have on it, idiot. Haven't you ever seen one?"

"We don't need something that gaudy."

"Shut up and start decorating."

…

"Oi! Don't just put all of one thing in a single spot!"

"Eh?"

"Honestly, a child could do this better than you."

"Then do it yourself! Ah—"

"—Don't break things! Dammit, go get a broom and make yourself useful."

"Tch, so bossy…"

"I'm not bossy!"

…

"Good. Now that that's done, find the tree skirt and put that around the base. You can't possibly mess that up."

"Which box is it in?"

"The one to your left—your _left_, you directionless oaf!"

"There's too many boxes to begin with!"

"Stop complaining, a bare tree is unacceptable."

"So we're really trying to get all this useless crap onto one tree?"

"Of course we are! Is that too much of a task for you, shitty marimo?"

"…"

"…Oi, Zoro…"

"Yeah?"

"Why is the tree skirt around my waist?"

"Suits you."

"…You know what would suit you? _This strand of lights around your neck!"_

—

"…In the end, we couldn't even finish the job properly…"

"Robin-chwan~, the tree looks beautiful~!"

"Hey! We helped too you bastard…!"


	3. Proposal on the beach

[Request: Zoro proposing to Sanji in front of the crew on a summer island]

* * *

You're running. It's a familiar feeling…so familiar…your feet pounding craters into the sand, the air salty-sweet and refreshing…a pink hue seems to radiate from everything, such a cute aura.

What is it you're running from…? No, you're running towards something. Some_one_.

Ah~…it's your love. It's the handsome green-haired swordsman, and he's running towards you too, everything seeming to go in slow motion as his smile creates a glittering trail behind him. The trail behind you however is made of tears, tears of joy and adulation.

And wait, you're wearing a dress? That's fine, it's so comfortable and breezy. And even the makeup feels nice, you feel beautiful.

When you join with your one-eyed lover, he takes your hands and gazes adoringly into your eyes. "_Sanji_," he says, your name falling from his lips in a way that makes your heart flutter, "There's something I want to ask you…"

Suddenly the rest of the crew, your precious friends, are there, sharing in this perfect moment. The ocean's waves wash over your feet, and everything feels so magical.

"Yes…Zoro…?" You respond, eyes brimming with happy tears yet unshed, squeezing his hands lightly.

And then it happens—you can't believe it. He goes down on one knee, and pulls out a little black box and opens it, revealing the perfect ring. You gasp, tears now streaming gracefully down your face and not ruining your makeup at all.

"Sanji…" He says your name again, be still your beating heart…! "Will you marry me?"

Welling up with emotion, you throw yourself at him, your bodies crashing into the water. "I will, I will…! Of cour—"

—

"—se I will!"

Your own words wake you from your ridiculous dream, and the fullness in your heart drops to despair in record time as your face twists up in agony.

"_WHAT THE HELL KIND OF HELLISH NIGHTMARE WAS THAT!?_" You shout, causing your fellow crewmembers to throw things at you for waking them up. And you don't stop them, the pain is better than the leftover disgust you're going through.

You never want to experience the events in that dream ever, ever again.

* * *

I'm so sorry about this but at the same time I'm not sorry at all


End file.
